I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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