Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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