I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
