Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
