His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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