You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
