Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
