I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
