who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
