is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You can't just leave with hair like that
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
