Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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