Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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