I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im holly from the hills drunk
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
