I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
farters have to be the big spoon...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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