I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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