the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
