while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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