Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
