We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
