I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
