I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
