she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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