my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
