My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize