i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
