What did we do last night that was yellow?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
