is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize