I just gift wrapped bread.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
