You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There's always time for handjobs
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
