his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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