Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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