You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
