So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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