No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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