i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
