You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
