I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
