my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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