What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
