you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
