And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
