Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
