Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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