Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
