sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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