i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My hand turned me down
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
