I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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