I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
