She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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