I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
