new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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