Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
