Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
