All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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