It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
