Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
