my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
smell my finger.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
