Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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