May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
