Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
