I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
