i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
