i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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