And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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