i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
