thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
