are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
