i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
