separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
