I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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