tonight lets celebrate not being married
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
