Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
