What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
