Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
