we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
