Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
