I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
