So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
