he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
